Radiotherapy, hair and boyfriend

Thursday, November 24th,

It was my first radiotherapy appointment !

Radiotherapy isn’t at all like chemo! No drugs nor IV! It’s radiation! Not nuclear but particle accelerator sent directly where the tumors were located! It burns the cell by dammaging its DNA and, in theory, only sane cells can repair themselves!

However, this increase risks for secondary cancer in the the region where the radiation happen! For me, since I’m a girl, it could be breast cancer! The doctor told me she will discuss it with me more in details  at the end of the treatment in case my breasts received a little radiation!

Secondary effects according to her are like discomfort to swallow, skin burns and fatigue mostly!


Brown wig





I will not have heart radiation and only a very little radiation on my lungs! 

The only really annoying thing is that the appointments are EVERYDAY ! And that I take like 1h30 roundtrip house – hospital !

15 appointments in 3 weeks for a total dose of 30Gy.

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Blond wig

To avoid doing tattoos on my skin for radiation targets, they created a chest mold in resina ! When I get there, I lie on a table, they put it on me, it’s really tight, and then they fix the chest mold to the table so I litterally can’t move even one millimiter away!



the wig collection



My boyfriend finally came, after 3 long months, it wasn’t really easy the distance and going through cancer and treatment for me like for him! We talked about it and I still was really happy to see him, even these 5 little days! We went to Nice and Barcelona ! I had a really great time and I hope to visit him as soon as I finish treatment ! I’m thankful he was here for me during treatment, even if he wasn’t really comfortable talking about the medical stuff! I was strong because I had him on my side too!

My hair that felt aren’t growing yet, but its normal, it should grow pretty soon! the one that stayed grew really weird and all thin and weak so I shaved everything again so they all can grow together now! 


Shaved hair

This entry is part 19 of 21 in the series Oldest to latest posts

My hair has been falling down for days. But it started from a few to a dozen to hundreds.

I told my friends and parents a while ago that I will shave before it gets to this point to take the power of making a decisions. But it got out of control, so fast and I didn’t have time to prepare.

On Monday, my friends had left, and I start loosing very large amounts of hair and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I just wanted to shave. The only problem is I was scared because I didn’t have anything to wear on my head in case the result was terrible.

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My parents come home on Monday night and I’m in tears. I tell them that I wanted to shave before feeling like this. That right now, I have nothing left on my head, like 1 out of 7 hair. I feel it. I’m even scared to go shower because I know the rest would fall more. I have this scary thought of me getting out of the shower with a whole in my head…
Hopefully, it fell pretty equally from everywhere so I have no whole for now…

My parents call a hairdresser that works for chemo patients. They set the appointment at my place for the next morning. Tuesday.

Her wigs starts at 500 euros for fake hair up to 1200 euros for natural hair. Social security reimburse 125euros and the rest is up for the private insurance, and I’m not sure about them.

I try two wigs. But it feels pretty weird. So I tell her I will think about it. I’m more interested about heard scarfs and bandanas. I try different ones and end up taking four.

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Two of them




When my mum comes home sha says that except one they are all ugly and making me look like an old lady. I kind of agree but there wasn’t any cute options for my age so I choose by default. She wants to return some of them. Let’s see how it goes.

We go to a wig store, I try some on. They are a bit cheaper than the other ones. 310 euros. I take one. It’s not cheap but anyway it’s not worth it to drop a grant for something I might not wear much if it feels wrong.

I guess it’s because my hair are super thin and light and when i try wigs on, it’s heavy and voluminous. It feels like not mine.


At night, we decide to shave now that I have options if I don’t like it.
I’m excited and I feel relieved. I won’t have to deal anymore with all those crazy falling hair everywhere that I can’t live my life normally anymore.
It can’t be worse that it is right now!

My mum cut and shave my hair. My dad takes videos. We laugh. A very particular but nice moment.

You can see already some areas where my hair is kinda missing!

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At the end, I’m pretty surprised! It’s not that bad I feel like.
It’s special for sure, but not ugly. My parents even say it looks good on me. Awwwwww.
I send the pic to my boyfriend and he says I look badass. Ha Ha.

I leave the wig and bandanas for now. I will see if it continues to fall a lot or if I can keep a bit of hair like this. Probably going to keep falling honestly. I’ve seen it when I went shower and sleep the following days but the hair are much shorter so it’s less annoying. For now, I assume the short, very short hair.   0.2inch to be exact.



My mum found a rabbit while walking around the neighborhood. Really cute. We kept him three days till we found the owners. He run away and almost got hit by a car but got saved thanks to my mum. He bring a lot of joy to take care of him during these days tho.

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New Hair and Color

This entry is part 11 of 21 in the series Oldest to latest posts

I have long hair since I’m maybe 8 years old!

But, knowing I have chemo coming, I figured I should get them shorter to get used little by little to their new length (or future non-existence).

I’m a bit scared but I’m telling myself it’s now or never since i have surgery tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, chemo starts, after which I’m afraid to be tired and weak.

I call my mum, who is super glad, after begging me for like 2 years, that I finally accept to cut my broken, old and flat hair shorter to get some volume.

She tells me to go to her favorite and cheap hairdresser, Nadia, in Marseille. Normally, I would never accept to leave my hair between a stranger hand, especially if I hear the word cheap, but I’m like you know what, if it’s bad then it will be easier to cut and I won’t regret it!

Once there, I have no idea of what I would like to do. So i ask for the famous booklet to get some inspirations for very not inspired people!

I land on a page with a great haircut ( and a great girl). Of course, I don’t expect the haircut to be the same on my face but let’s go. I don’t want to think about it too long. I just want to be spontaneous.


“It’s for the haircut ?

Haircut and color!

– You are sure for the color?

– Yes !”

She takes the scissors and just cut it all in half a second!
Wow. Well, now it’s too late to regret, that’s for sure!

I wait a bit for the color. It’s probably not the best quality and I feel she’s scratching my forehead skin to try to make the color stain go away…

Finally, after adjusting the haircut and doing the brushing, it’s done!
I just hope my mum will still recognize me like this. I think she will.

I join my parents and grandparents at the bar where they are all saying nice things “It’s so beautiful! It’s 10 times better”

Apparently, it’s a success! Alright. Even if now, I feel I will care a bit more about loosing them. That’s fine It will grow again  better and stronger I tell myself!


Well, I’m just not really good with selfies in general!
I’ll put more pics in the following posts !